The Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate (and Love) Being Unemployed.

Let me start by saying, I am partially unemployed. Teaching online and teaching a spin class does bring all of the usual suspects involved in full-time work...paycheck, work, frustration, time, feeling of satisfaction, feeling of making a difference, and on and on.

However, here are some of my current complaints of being unemployed (or you could re-phrase this and say "complaints of being a full-time parent" because if ANYONE dare say this isn't full-time work, they are out of their frickity-frackin' mind!)

1. I hate that all the brainpower knowledge and skills developed during those long years of hard-work, dedication, and late nights spent and boring journal articles, textbooks, paper writing obtaining a higher education are currently not being used to its fullest potential to benefit society and my brain is melting.
2. I have unlimited time with my son Jack - I have been a part of everything, from first rolls and walks to words. This is a love. However, it is also causing my brain to melt. People (or at least people like me) are not meant to be cooped up with small children all day. We don't even "coop" ourselves up...we socialize at the YMCA, we go to new places, etc., etc. I have evidence that it is unhealthy to be "employed" as a full-time parent. Evidence A: my older sister complained of her eye twitching...constantly...for years. It still does and her children are all over the age of 10. She also needed at least a glass of wine every night to function. Evidence B: My eye twitches when around more than one child (even if one is mine). Evidence C: I only have one child and I need a glass of wine every single night. Does any of this sound healthy? I love this little booger, but I also feel like I lose my mind on  daily basis. Don't think for a second, "Oh, I'd love to be a full-time mom." Try it for oh, 19 months or so (as opposed to 6 weeks of standard maternity leave) and then tell me what you think. Yes, you might not have to wake-up, get the child ready, yourself ready, drop-off, pick-up, blah, blah, blah. But you do get a full 8 hours of being a grown-up when you work outside of your home. You also might actually get to enjoy a cup of coffee and drink it before 1) it gets cold, 2) you have to change poop or, 3) you feel guilty for thinking you should get to actually enjoy a cup of coffee. Wow- that became a long one. Bring on the mommy-guilt. 
3. I hate reading rejection letters. No. Worse than that...I hate not ever even receiving a telephone call, email, or letter that acknowledges the presence of my cover letter or CV in Company/Organization/Federal Agency's hot little inbox/hands/trash. These days in our new, post-post-modern era of efficient communication, we don't waste time/paper/seconds to respond to over-eager potential employees who are waiting for ANY form of anything to at least get their hopes up. Once. Bastards. Actually, I also hate getting letters that say "There were many highly qualified candidates (Unsaid: You were not one of them.). Or the one letter that actually said, "You were not qualified for this position." Thanks potential dream job. What the hell does my Ph.D. mean then? Oh yeah, I was definitely one of those Ph.D. students who parents paid for everything, I got absolutely no experience, and I sat around all day thinking about dissertation topics. RIGHT.  
4. This leads me to my 4th "hate" related to being unemployed (and apparently unemployable). I hate that this said lack of employment coupled with crappy rejection (or lack of) letters has led me to question my abilities as a professional. I can tell myself "times are tough, a lot of people are unemployed, the economy is crap," but somehow the doubt still creeps in...and I have actually thought I might need to return to school of some kind for continuing education. See, my brain is actually melting.  
5. I love/hate that with all of my spare time, I have felt compelled to do insanely exhausting things like make baby food from scratch, visit every museum/zoo/playground I can locate, play silly baby games all day until my brain completely turns to mush, and try out blogging (just in case leaving it somewhat stagnant hasn't completed the job). [Okay, so this #5 is more of a love one. I mean seriously, there was NOTHING else to do in Montgomery, Alabama, so making baby food (www.beabausa.com) from scratch kept me inside away from, well, society in general. It also saved tons of money so I could have some to spend in oh my god expensive DC.]  
6. I love that being unemployed has allowed me to explore every city I have lived in until I know it like the locals. Being married to someone in the military, that has translated into three cities in three years. There is something to be said for exploring new cities, finding your way around intricate traffic patterns and navigating various healthcare systems. What that something is, I am not sure. Added bonus: when the Bradley gets to travel to desirable destinations, I don't need to submit a vacation request. 
7. I hate that the further away from working I get, the harder it will be to get working again. Routine, routine, arghhh....time to change the routine. It's always about adapting and I have become quite skilled at this. Change is good. The ability to adapt to change quickly is beneficial. I am good at these things. I actually like change, crave it, and enjoy it. It's the transition to the new routine that is highly irritating. 
8. I hate wondering if I will even know my dream job when I see it. My sister keeps saying, "The right job will come along when it is meant to be." At this rate, I wonder if I will still be considered "qualified" (and there's that doubt creeping in again). 
9. I hate being introduced to people my husband works with/knows and when they ask what I do, I say I take care of Jack, teach online, and teach a spin class. Invariably, their eyes always glaze over once they hear "take care of Jack." 
10.  I hate that it took being unemployed/employed as a full-time parent to realize that my own mom had the toughest, most rigorous, taxing job in the world. Harder than any other out there. I hate that I feel like I can't handle it some days (and I only have one, while she handled teen, kid and toddlers all at once). I wonder if she wished she could get a job to break free from the eye-twitching madness that is being a mother. I know I do. And I hate feeling guilty about that, but in the end I will probably be a happier mama for doing it (or I will be like everyone else, and end up wishing I was a full-time, stay at home mama). 

I think the loves won over the hates. It is what it is - I am a full-time mama, part-time employee and somehow juggle it all. I have a lot of perks that other full-time mamas don't have, so I know that my list is at best, selfish and I shouldn't take my role at this point for granted. 

You know how it goes, you always want what you don't have. 

Here's looking forward to that glass of wine!

Anna Marie